Pride, Prejudice, and Potter
by Princess Bonehead
Summary: For the IB Senior English Final. A parody of Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, using the characters of the Harry Potter series.
1. Introduction

**Pride, Prejudice, and Potter**

_by Sarah Webb, Yuki Rutherford, and Casey Jackson_

* * *

**Introduction**

There are many moments in life that can be revisited and recognized as a time in which something was destined to happen. On a dark and stormy night, for instance, it is usually easy to guess that something awful is going to take place. In hindsight, when one realizes that the night their Great-Aunt Tessa died in her sleep is the same night that it was dark and stormy, it's easy to spot the correlation.

In this case, the night was actually rather unremarkable. No storms marred the starry sky. A chorus of angels didn't sing from the heavens to mark the occasion. Lightening didn't strike the same place twice. Pigs didn't fly. Ms. Lundberg didn't suddenly decide to give all of her failing students an "A" for effort.

That night, the Leaky Cauldron was simply packed with people; families and friends coming to enjoy each other's company, to talk, to laugh, to dance, and to eat good food and be merry.

Two people were destined to meet that night, though they would never have guessed that their lives would intertwine. Nor would they have guessed that they would ever have feelings for one another. In fact, they were more apt to believe (at least after their first meeting) that the other person was a complete jerk, and that if they never met again it would be too soon.

But I digress…

This story follows one Harry Potter, now to be known as Harry Bennet, and one Draco Malfoy, hereafter known as Draco Darcy, and the unlikely love that blossomed between them.

Welcome to tonight's entertaining rendition of _Pride, Prejudice, and Potter_.


	2. Chapter 1: One Unremarkable Night

**Chapter One**

Harry Bennet was convinced that he and his older sister Cho were adopted.

The two of them acted normal. The rest of his family was a gaggle of lunatics.

His mother gossiped loudly with her friends, talking and laughing at a volume far higher than was necessary. His two youngest siblings, Ginny and Charlie, ran about the room laughing madly and making trouble. His brother Percy sat in a secluded corner reading and pointedly ignoring any person who came to say hello. His father was staring into space, as was his custom, supposedly pondering his library, what sort of letters he'd need to write in the coming week, and what life would have been like if he hadn't married such a vapid, marriage-obsessed woman.

Only he and Cho had any sense about them as they stood and spoke with his friend, Hermione Lucas. Harry couldn't help watching the train wreck that was his family as they degraded themselves further and further.

"Harry, don't think too critically of them. They're just…being themselves." Hermione remarked optimistically, drawing him out of his reverie.

"Being 'themselves' is just barely shy of being certifiably insane."

"Harry!"

He shrugged, eyes still flicking between the different members of his family. Ginny was completely absorbed in conversation now with one of her friends, the grin on her face growing steadily wider the more they talked.

_Oh no,_ Harry thought. _That's never good. That smile means someone in the vicinity is both rich and single._

Suddenly, Ginny flung herself away from her friend and raced towards their mother, nearly tackling her to the ground in her excitement.

"Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum!" Ginny repeated excitedly, hopping up and down as she tugged on the sleeves of Mrs. Bennet's robes.

"What is it, dear?"

"Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum!" Ginny continued, her voice growing shrill as she continued to bounce. She'd worked herself into a frenzy of over-excitement.

Mrs. Bennet shook her daughter roughly, crying: "What is it, child?"

Ginny paused, blinked a few times and recovered herself, and then continued to bounce around her mother as she loudly proclaimed: "The Minister and his attendants are coming! They're going to be staying here, in the Leaky Cauldron!"

If Mrs. Bennet's eyes could have gone any wider, they may have fallen from their sockets and into her open mouth. She stood in silent bewilderment for only a moment before she began to jump up and down with her daughter, repeatedly shrieking: "Oh my goodness!" It went on for several moments, before Percy stood from his quiet corner, stalked over to them both, gave his mother a sharp slap across the face, and returned to his seat. Harry made a mental note to thank his brother later. If Percy hadn't intervened, he may have had to. When his mother got on a roll, it was often difficult to snap her out of it.

Mrs. Bennet beamed at her daughter. "The Minister! Oh, my dear! We'll have to throw you in his way and _make_ him notice you. Just think if you married such a powerful man, and at your age too!" She sighed with longing, dreaming of the riches their family would be bestowed with, what status they would gain from such a marriage, and giggled to herself as she pondered just how jealous all of her friends would be when it happened!

Ginny sighed right along with her mother, twirling in her girlish fantasies. "As long as he's handsome, I couldn't care less who I marry!" She stopped twirling long enough to smile and kiss her mother on both cheeks before skipping away, back to her gaggle of gossiping friends.

Harry sighed dejectedly, shook his head, and smiled at his best friend and older sister. "At least you two are normal."

Cho smiled. "Let them be, Harry. You focus on enjoying yourself tonight."

At that moment the doors of the Leaky Cauldron swung open. For no apparent reason other than it seemed appropriate and added dramatic effect to the scene, the entire crowd went silent, parting into two halves to allow three newcomers into the room.

The most noticeable of the three was a young man with platinum blond hair and cold grey eyes. He strode into the room with an arrogant gait, followed closely behind by a smiling young man, and a dark, older gentleman with a perpetual sneer on his face.

They made their way to the back of the pub, stopping at a place where nearly everyone could see them. As if nothing had happened, the commotion and festivities resumed.

"Do you know who they are?" Harry asked to no one in particular, still staring at the three newcomers.

"That blonde boy…that's must be Draco Darcy," Hermione replied, her gaze also transfixed on the three men.

"How do you know?"

"Have you ever seen anyone with hair that color before?" She asked. "The Darcy's are a very old, powerful family. They've been famous for their wealth, and for their distinguishable hair color. That white blonde hair is a Darcy trait, and Lucius Darcy only has one son. Draco."

Harry nodded, accepting his friend's logic. "What about the other two?"

"I know them," interrupted Harry's father, who appeared very suddenly behind them. "That boy is Cedric Bingley, and the man behind him is his cousin, Severus. I knew Cedric's father, years ago."

Mrs. Bennet, with ears that could pick up any tidbit of conversation that might even remotely pertain to wealthy and single men, slinked over to her husband with a smile on her face and a gleam in her eye. "Would you introduce us to him, Arthur?"

Mr. Bennet pursed his lips in distaste, but nodded anyway. "I doubt anything would stop you from meeting him, if you were determined to do so. I may as well save some other poor soul the trouble of inflicting your acquaintance on poor Cedric."

His words were lost on his wife. She was already stalking after her other children, dragging Percy towards the bar with his book still stuck in front of his face and beckoning the others forward. Ginny and Charlie went willingly. Harry and Cho groaned as they followed their father.

"My dear boy, if it isn't Cedric Bingley, all grown up!" Mr. Bennet said warmly when he reached the trio of newcomers. Cedric stepped forward with a smile and shook his hand. "How has your father been, boy?"

"He's doing quite well, thank you sir. Is this your lovely family behind you?"

"If 'lovely' is the word you'd like to use to describe it," he said to himself, then smiled and replied: "May I introduce my wife Molly, and my children Cho, Harry, Percy, Ginny, and Charlie?"

"A pleasure to meet you all," Cedric said with a grin.

The Bennet children all politely inclined their heads in greeting, and Mrs. Bennet curtseyed.

"Oh, it's so nice to meet you too, Mr. Bingley. You really are very handsome!" Ginny exclaimed with a giggle. Cho shot Ginny a reproachful look at the same time that Harry elbowed her in the ribs.

"You're really very handsome?" He quoted under his breath. "Obvious, much?"

Ginny turned to stick her tongue out at her brother, and then turned back, a simpering smile plastered to her face. Harry looked up just in time to catch Draco rolling his eyes. Embarrassment seethed in his gut.

"Are you enjoying your evening?" Cho asked quietly, smiling at Cedric.

"Much more….now…thank you."

Draco snorted sarcastically, his eyes focusing on a distant table as he said "It's nothing special. I far prefer the private bars in London. Far more tasteful, quiet, and…._elite_." His nose puckered in a sneer.

"I've always enjoyed coming to the Leaky Cauldron, but I often wonder what a more private venue would be like. Much more enchanting, I would think. How does it compare?" Charlie asked.

"Does your poor fashion sense and awful haircut affecting your hearing? I just told you this place is a servant's corridor compared to the areas I usually attend," Draco's annoyed tone was beginning to grate on Harry's nerves.

Percy glared harshly at Draco. "One whose pride is over-inflated will never find true happiness."

Draco's hard gaze snapped to Percy. "And one who tries too hard to sound smart only succeeds in sounding like a moron. Did what you just spouted have anything to do with the actual conversation? I'd save your breath in case you have anything of actual intelligence to share."

"You should be happy that someone as polite as Mr. Bingley here stops to give you the time of day, let alone be in the company of a pompous bastard like you," Percy retorted.

"I will not stand here and listen to any more of your stupidity. I have more important things to do. Cedric," Draco said with a small bow of his head. "Enjoy your chat." With that he waltzed away, Severus trailing behind like a dark shadow.

"Oh, dear," Cho breathed, watching the two men leave. "Cedric, please excuse Percy and his…manners."

"It's no matter," Cedric replied with a laugh. "I fear Draco has far too large of a stick up his bum to be of any good cheer, no matter the company or conversation." He paused, biting his lip slightly before adding: "But, um…Miss Cho? Would you care to dance?"

Cho beamed as she held out her hand to Cedric. "I would love to."

They left to dance and the family disbursed back to their ridiculous activities. Harry turned back to the party, maneuvering his way through the bodies and back to where Hermione was standing with a slightly bewildered smile on her face.

"Don't. Say. Anything." Harry bit out through his teeth, motioning to the bar-keep for a drink. (Completely non-alcoholic, of course.)

"About what?" Hermione asked, laughing to herself.

"Exactly."

Behind him, Harry's mother was crowing about Cedric's invitation to dance with Cho, and his father was being towed along behind her, a rather befuddled expression on his face.

"They're dancing together! She's the first girl he's asked! Can you believe it Arthur, they're dancing! They're dancing!"

"Yes, dearest, but why is this such a—"

"Oh, goodness! Let's go home straight away and plan their wedding! There's so much to do, and he's bound to pop the question soon! Who wouldn't fall madly in love with our darling Cho?" Her hysterical laughter had risen by several octaves as she paraded her way towards the door, dragging her husband by his collar.

"Keep an eye on your siblings won't you, Harry?" Mr. Bennet called from across the room as he was hauled out of the pub.

Harry sighed and took a long drink from his glass.

"Draco Darcy wasn't exactly as I expected," Hermione remarked mildly, trying to steer Harry's thoughts away from his family's ridiculous actions. "He was rather rude. You'd expect someone as powerful and wealthy as he is to be able to afford some manners."

"I don't doubt he has them, he just chose not to waste them on such _lowly_ people as us. He strikes me as the type that would pull out all the stops for someone—_if_ he thought there was something in it for him."

"Speak of the devil…"Hermione said quietly, as Draco and his caretaker, Severus, came to lean against the bar, separated from them by only two or three people.

"Perhaps you should attempt to dance, Draco," Severus was saying, his tone bland and uninterested. "Even you should be able to find someone at least a little bit attractive."

"Hn. There isn't a single attractive person in this room. Cedric is with the only one who could even marginally entertain my interests."

"What about the Bennet boy, behind you? His face lacks a certain charm, yes, and his expression is rather dim, but you must admit that his eyes are at the very least a captivating color."

Harry stiffened up, bristling at the accusation that he was some air-headed _boy_. But he tried to look as though he hadn't heard a word they were saying, and forced himself to relax as Draco threw a sparing glance over his shoulder.

"Tolerable," Draco said with a sniff of disdain as he turned back to his companion. "But not enough for my standards. I will not lower myself to that level."

Harry felt his face begin to flush with embarrassment and anger. The glass in his hand shook. Hermione took it from him delicately and placed it on the bar, then grasped both of his hands in hers and smiled reassuringly.

"Don't worry, Harry. Think about it this way; if he found you attractive, you'd have to talk to him."

"Ha. Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Harry said quietly, eyes searching the room. He saw his older sister, still twirling around the floor with the charismatic Mr. Bingley, and smiled. He wished things would work between them, if only because he saw how happy Cho seemed…and because a marriage would mean his mother would finally shut her loud mouth.

At least for as long as the ceremony lasted.

**End - 1**


	3. Chapter 2: Mr Collins Gets His Creep On

**Chapter Two**

The doorbell rang a soft chime in the early Sunday morning quiet. Mr. Bennet got up from his place at the table, leaving his book upon his chair and went to answer it. When he opened the door, smiling politely at the visitor, he immediately wished he hadn't and in fact slammed the door in the man's face. Slowly, he returned to the dining room, placed his hand upon his wife's shoulder and sighed.

"My cousin is here, Molly."

"Cousin?" Mrs. Bennet said dreamily. "Which cousin?" The door bell rang again, quietly in the background.

"Ron Collins. The cousin who will own this house when I die. The one who may throw you all out as soon as I'm gone."

Mrs. Bennet stopped chewing, eyes wide. "That cousin?"

"Yes, my dear. That cousin." The door bell rang twice more, persistently chiming through the house.

"Oh, my poor, shriveled, non-existent nerves!" Mrs. Bennet cried, flying from my room as a house-elf entered. "Don't let that man in here!"

The elf watched Mrs. Bennet go with shocked round eyes, and then bowed to Mr. Bennet, squeaking: "Prissy is bidden to introduce the man at the door, sir. Ron Collins, sir, is here to visit family."

Mr. Bennet merely grunted, and Prissy the elf turned back to show Mr. Collins into the room.

The Bennet children, who'd been staring back and forth between their parents with their mouths full for the entire ordeal, swallowed quickly and stood to greet their guest.

"Hello!" Mr. Collins said cheerfully. "Hope I'm not barging in, but I just thought I'd come to visit and check out the property—err—I mean, visit my most cherished cousins. How are you all?"

"Very well, thank you," said Cho quietly, the epitome of manners. "It's wonderful to finally meet you, Mr. Collins."

The lanky, awkward man beamed at them all. "What a wonderful house you have. Not much from the outside, but your decorations are charming!" Mr. Collins began to wander throughout the house, weaving in and out of rooms. The Bennet' stayed put, not sure of what they should do, looking at each other with stunned expressions. "Such a stunning library!" He shouted from the next room.

Mr. Bennet sighed, shutting his eyes and bowing his head in resignation. "Cho, darling, if you could go collect your mother? And Harry, please speak with the elves and ask them to cook a nice dinner tonight."

Harry and Cho nodded, each separating to their different tasks.

Percy, in the background, was tailing Mr. Collins, remarking on the books and furniture, trying his best to impress his cousin. Ginny and Charlie ran off, laughing to themselves.

Harry sighed. This evening would prove to be interesting.

* * *

"…and so, my most esteemed, wonderful, amazing supervisor, Madame Umbridge de Bourgh, has told me that she would love to see me married off within the year," Collins finished brightly.

Mrs. Bennet, who'd been moaning and groaning at the other end of the table, perked up quite suddenly in her seat with a large smile. She placed her chin on her hand and fluttered her eyelashes. "What a lucky man you are, dear cousin, to have such an esteemed lady looking after your interests. Do you have any idea who you'll choose to be your lucky partner?"

She put her hand on Harry's with a reassuring pat. Harry stared at her fingers as though they were snakes and felt his face heat up under the thoughtful gaze of his outlandish cousin. He knew exactly what his mother was doing, putting him in Mr. Collin's mind for consideration. He felt liking puking.

"The house-elves have truly outdone themselves this evening. This dinner is delicious, don't you think so Mr. Collins?" Cho asked swiftly, diverting his attention from the topic.

"Indeed. Quite tasty," Ron replied, his eyes never leaving Harry's mortified face.

Charlie snorted and hastily attempted to hide it by taking a drink and pretending to choke. Cho sent an apologetic look to her brother and Harry shook his head, lifting his hand from beneath his mother's and standing from the table.

"I think I'm about to blow chunks. If you'll excuse me," Harry said, rushing from the room.

Upstairs in his room, Harry felt his embarrassment growing and boiling over into anger. He punched a wall in a moment of fury, then began to swear when he realized he'd hit a piece of soft wood that splintered into his flesh.

He was tired of being used to his mother's advantage, tired of having his family flaunted in front of those who had riches or power—or both. He'd be damned if he married the bizarre, freakish second cousin who sat at the dining room table below.

**End - 2**


	4. Chapter 3: The Always Smiling Mr Wickham

**Chapter Three**

The Bennet children had escaped their home for the afternoon in a trip to Diagon Alley. Mr. Collins had grated on all of their nerves, except perhaps Percy who found the man sensible, and Mrs. Bennet's constant screeching about her nerves had become more than irritating. They walked together through the different shops, eyeing all of the treasures, the elders keeping their younger siblings from spending too much money on silly things.

Ginny, somehow able to pick a handsome single man out of a crowd, spied a man dressed in the robes of one of the minister's attendants. With a delicate slip of the fingers, she dropped a dainty handkerchief. The man, to Ginny's extreme pleasure, caught the handkerchief and handed it to...

"_Wait one bloody minute_..." she thought. He handed it to Harry!

"Thank you…" Harry mumbled, caught by surprise while simultaneously handing the handkerchief to his younger sister. Ginny stuffed it back into her pocket with a disgruntled sigh.

"You are _quite_ welcome. Gilderoy Wickham Wickham, at your service." he said taking Harry's hand and kissing it with an overly self-satisfied smile.

Harry blushed and found himself speechless at the man's attentions. The glittering blue eyes and sweeping blonde hair caught his attention immediately. He was really very….handsome.

Cho, noticing her brother's blush and open-mouthed admiration, addressed the man. "Wonderful to meet you, Mr. Wickham." With an easy smile she looked around at her siblings, and slyly added. "We were just on our way to Madame Malkin's to look at some new robes if you would like to join us."

Wickham's eyes lit up at the idea of spending the day with so many beautiful people. He nodded enthusiastically, flashing his smile once more, as the group made their way to the robe shop, Wickham holding the door for all the Bennet children.

"So, Mr. Wickham, how are you enjoying London?" Harry asked.

Wickham flashed another brilliant grin. "Please, call me Gilderoy. I am _thoroughly_ enjoying myself." Wickham positioned himself closer to Harry, their hands almost coincidentally brushing together, "There are many...beautiful sights to see." Wickham winked at Harry

Ginny, feeling very neglected, skipped into the conversation knocking Harry away from Wickham as she babbled some nonsense that Harry didn't care to listen to. Wickham gave Harry an apologetic look as he consented to give Ginny some sort of advice on robe material.

Cho grinned and approached her brother "Well…he is very handsome, Harry, and would make gorgeous babies!"

"Don't you start being ridiculous too! I have enough insane relatives," Harry said good-naturedly. The two giggled and watched their brothers and their sister dance about the store, making loud comments and laughing, but for once Harry was so lost in possibility they did not embarrass him.

After a while the group started home, Wickham tagging along to continue his conversation. They were strolling along the road when they happened upon Draco and Cedric.

"Mr. Bingley! Mr. Darcy! How wonderful to see you," Cho said happily, beaming at Cedric.

"Ahh! Hello! We were just on our way to your house. We wanted to invite you—" Draco coughed rather pointedly. "Err—I mean _I _wanted to invite you to a ball tomorrow night. At Draco's Manor."

The two youngest shrieked with glee. Ginny very excitedly began to dance around Wickham. "Be sure to invite Mr. Wickham. He makes excellent company!"

Draco, his attention brought to Wickham's presence, narrowed his eyes. His lips twisted and nose crinkled in what could only be described as disgust. He immediately turned and began to walk in the opposite direction. Cedric, always the peacemaker, exclaimed while walking backwards towards his friend, "Of course Mr. Wickham, you are welcome to come as well." With that, he waved goodbye and hurried after his companion.

Harry gave a pointed look to Wickham, who returned the look with a sheepish smile. Harry turned to his older sister, asking quietly if she would continue home with the others. Harry and Wickham hung back from the rest of the crowd to the dismay of Ginny, who was being pulled forcibly away by both Percy and Cho, making loud objections all the while.

"So. How long has Draco Darcy visiting here in London?" Wickham began, knowing that Harry was trying to find a way to approach the subject.

"I'm not sure. What is your relation to the man? He seemed eager to—err—get away." To Harry's surprise, Wickham laughed.

"I've known Draco since I was a child. My father was a Muggle who worked at Darcy Manor. I became very close to his father as I began to show promise as a wizard. When Lucius—Draco's father—left the estate to travel, I was promised five thousand Galleons a year to maintain me while I studied to become an Auror. Lucius was always very supportive of me. But Draco didn't honor his father's word. He gave the living to another man."

"That's awful!" Harry exclaimed. "I knew I never liked him. What an ass."

Wickham smiled and chuckled softly. "I'm quite over it. Recently I was noticed by the minister and became one of his attendants."

Wickham thought to himself for a moment about his special relationship with the Minister. The reason that he was so interesting to the Minister... he shook the thought away, thinking instead of the constant blush on this Harry's adorable face.

Harry, meanwhile, was pondering the kind of man he'd found Draco to be, and the contrast between him and the charming Mr. Wickham. Absently he changed the subject, "Do you plan on attending Mr. Bingley's ball tomorrow, Gilderoy?"

Wickham thought about it. "Perhaps. I'm not quite sure. I am at the minister's disposal at any given time. But I think a ball would be very refreshing."

Harry smiled at the prospect of dancing with Mr. Wickham at the ball and the promise of spending more time with the gentleman.

"If you do manage to get away, save a dance for me?"

Lockhart nodded, flaunting his most enchanting smile.

**End - 3**


	5. Chapter 4: A Tale of Two Dance Partners

**Chapter Four**

It was difficult to believe that the aloof Draco Darcy had consented to hold a party at his Manor estate, and even more surprising to Harry that his family had been invited at all—he had a sneaking suspicion that it was all Cedric's doing. Nevertheless, he dressed to impress that night, wearing pure white robes with emerald trim to highlight his eyes, and had painstakingly combed his hair to lie flat. Let Draco call him 'tolerable' tonight, he'd laugh if the man was that blind—never mind that he shouldn't give a damn what the arrogant snot had said.

Every door and window shone with flickering, floating candles. Slow, tasteful music played from indoors. The smell of delicious foods wafted in the air. Slowly, the Bennet family approached the two Bingley cousins. Everyone exchanged smiles, aside from Severus who simply stared with an emotionless expression.

"I'm so pleased to see you all, and very happy that you could make it!" He smiled at Cho sweetly, and she flushed under his gaze.

"Oh! Dear Cedric, what a sweet, kind, generous, eligible—err, I mean _elegant_ man you are!" Mrs. Bennet giggled, blinking furiously.

Severus snorted harshly. "If you are so inclined to fawn all over my cousin, perhaps _you_ should attempt to win his heart, instead of throwing your children in his path. It's called tact, Mrs. Bennet. You should learn to use some." With a grand, sweeping gesture, Severus stalked into the house.

"Oh, my…" Mrs. Bennet whispered, putting her hand to her lips. "I hope you don't think quite so unkindly of us, Cedric. I don't have the faintest idea of what your cousin could have been talking about."

"Mother!" Harry whispered sternly, shaking his head.

"No, of course not, Mrs. Bennet," Cedric said happily.

Cho began pushing her mother and siblings towards the door, motioning for Harry to do the same. Together they corralled their family inside the house. "Thank you so much for inviting us to your beautiful home," Cho said kindly, trying to keep her mother from making any more ridiculous comments.

"Not at all!" Cedric replied. "May I ask you to dance with me once more this evening, Cho?"

Cho blushed. "Certainly, Cedric. I look forward to it.

They'd almost made it inside the door before Mrs. Bennet began screeching again. "Did you hear that? He asked to dance with you again! He's in love! He's in love! Cho, my dear, what sort of colors do you want at your wedding?"

Harry pushed his mother out of earshot before turning back and smiling. "Good evening, Cedric." And with that, he rushed into the house. The rest of his family was breaking off into groups, seeking their own entertainment. Mrs. Bennet immediately sought out the nearest of her acquaintances and began relating her plans for Cho and Cedric's wedding. Cho stood near the door, waiting for Cedric to finish welcoming the guests. Ginny and Charlie sauntered off to seek out their own dance partners, and Percy sat down with his book in the quietest corner he could find.

"One thing is for certain," Harry said as he caught up to Hermione in the dining room. "At least when my family decides to make fools of themselves, they do it the same way each and every time."

Hermione smiled at him, handing him a small glass of lemon tea. He took it, not looking at her, but searching the room around him.

"He isn't here," Hermione said, blowing on her own cup of tea to cool it.

"Hmm?" Harry replied noncommittally.

"That man you told me about. The one you met in Diagon Alley, Gilderoy Wickham. He isn't here. That's who you're looking for, right?"

Harry's attention snapped to her. "He said he'd come."

"I asked around for you. I hear he had to return to London on business for the Minister—at least that's the "official" story that's been circulated. But I overheard a certain _gentleman_ at this gathering say that his presence was not welcome. Three guesses at the gentleman."

"Oh, really?" Harry said bitterly, eyes seeking out Draco Darcy in the crowd. He wasn't difficult to find, his platinum hair stuck out from all the others. He watched the stuffy, over-indulgent prat as he nodded to guests, speaking quietly with his caretaker. Severus said something that made him laugh, a rare smile lighting his features and disappearing just as suddenly as it had come.

"Mr. Bennet," said a dispassionate voice to his left. Harry turned and nodded to the lanky, ogling man who'd called his attention. Harry almost groaned when he saw Ron Collins, but managed to check himself and give his cousin a painstaking smile.

"Mr. Collins," Harry replied

"I wonder if you would join me in a dance?" Ron remarked with a smug grin, obviously believing his invitation was too good to be refused. Beside him, Hermione choked on her tea.

Harry had no desire to dance, but etiquette demanded he accept. He nodded politely and handed his tea back to Hermione. "Of course."

With an over-abundance of decorum, Ron held his arm out for Harry to take and led him to the floor. Harry could feel his face burning in embarrassment. He caught the eye of Draco, who stood smirking in amusement, and the burning blush turned into a raging fire.

The music began with a mournful, slow song. Harry danced robotically, doing his best not to look Ron Collins in the eye, fearing that he would burst out laughing at the ridiculously serious expression plastered to his face.

"You dance marvelously, cousin," Ron said. Harry found his tone stuffy and contemptible.

"Thank you."

"I wonder if I could impose my company on you for a moment later in the evening?"

Harry dreaded to think what sort of conversation this man wanted to have, but he nodded anyway and agreed to speak with him later. When the dance had finished, he rushed back to Hermione, leaving Collins to his own devices.

"That was mortifying."

"Awkward, yes." Hermione said with a laugh.

"I'm glad at least one of us is enjoying this," Harry replied scathingly.

"Mr. Bennet?"

"What?" Harry snapped, before turning and realizing who was at his side. He came face to face with a pair of cloudy gray eyes, glittering with mirth.

"Would you do me the honor of joining me in the next dance?" Draco asked with a slight inclination of his head.

Harry found himself unable to respond, caught in the absurdity of the moment. He laughed breathlessly and responded. "Certainly."

Draco smirked again before sauntering away. Harry grabbed Hermione by the arm, eyes wild with disbelief.

"Did I just agree to dance with that…that…" he spluttered, unable to find a word to describe the abysmal Draco Darcy.

"Yes, I think you did."

"I can't believe it!"

"I can," Hermione replied simply. "After all, he is rather...handsome."

Harry simply stared at her in disbelief. "That will be a problem, since I've sort of sworn to hate him based on absolutely no sound evidence that he's as much of an ass I as believe he is."

Hermione gave him a confused glance. "What?"

"What?"

They looked at each other and laughed.

"I had better go and find our kind host," Harry said sarcastically. We wouldn't want him thinking that I've snubbed him."

Harry moved through the rooms to the ballroom. Upon his entrance, Draco appeared at his side, taking Harry with a gentle hand by the elbow. "Are you ready to begin our dance?" He asked quietly, voice monotone, expression betraying no emotion.

"I am if you are," Harry replied solemnly, allowing himself to be led into the ballroom.

The music began quietly, a love ballad with the high, sweet sound of violins and the deep vibrato of a cello. The couples on the floor bowed to one another, then clasped their hands to begin the first portion of the dancing. A sweeping stride, proud, haughty gait, now they were turning to clasp the other hand and stepping in the opposite direction. Separating, one circling the other like a hawk over his prey, the other keeping their eyes straight ahead. With an entire room of mimicked movements the dance was fluid and graceful. People from other rooms of the house came to watch the couples step from one movement to the other, one partner turning, the other reaching to grasp their hand, moving forward again, backward, parting, spinning.

"Are you enjoying yourself, Mr. Bennet?" Draco asked as they traded places on the floor, fingers barely touching.

"I can't say, Mr. Darcy. I suppose it'll depend on how well you dance," Harry replied noncommittally. He didn't dare say that he thought Draco was a graceful dancer.

"Then I hope your high standards will be met. But I should tell you, I am a very fine dancer."

"Are you really? And do you find that you're always 'very fine' and accomplished in all of your endeavors? You must practice everything during all of your spare time, if that were the case."

Draco could find no reply, and opted to keep his silence. Harry didn't press him.

The first dance ended, and another began. Neither man moved from the dance floor as people swarmed around them, talking, laughing, other couples moving in to begin the next dance.

Harry smiled as he bowed and they began the next dance, a soft, easy waltz. "I was fortunate enough to meet a very charming man of your acquaintance the other day," Harry said pleasantly. "I believe you saw him with us before you ran off."

Draco's expressionless face was suddenly tinged with annoyance. "Mr. Wickham seems be blessed with the ability to make friends quickly. But whether or not he can maintain the friendship is another matter." His tone was clipped, forcibly polite. Harry took sadistic joy in the fact that he'd managed to irritate the stubbornly stoic young man.

"I see. Are you referring to your own friendship with him, then? I hear you severed the friendship and all of its "perks" as soon as you were made master of your estate. Tell me, did you have a good reason, or do you delight in being an insufferable ass?"

Draco quirked one eyebrow in surprise and displeasure. His voice became gruff, hoarse, and almost angry. "Don't be so hasty to believe everything you've been told. You forget, so caught up in your own glorious illusions, that there are in fact two sides to every story. By believing only one side you are limiting your own ability to make logical choices," his eyebrow arched impossibly higher, and a smirk caressed his features. "Though I'm beginning to sense that your choices are rarely ever logical."

Harry flushed in anger, his temper quickly flaring in defense of his wounded pride. "There may be two sides to every story, but it's been my experience that one generally holds more truth than the other. From your general lack of manners, I've assumed Mr. Wickham's story to be the half containing the most reliable information." Harry's blush deepened when he heard his youngest two siblings making nuisances of themselves in the next room. "If you'll excuse me, I have a few annoying relatives to attend to."

He stalked away from his dance partner, completely ignoring that the waltz was only half over. "Insufferable man," he whispered to himself as he passed Ginny and Charlie chattering in a corner with a group of other gossiping idiots. He didn't bother to stop them from making fools of themselves, instead seeking the quiet privacy of an empty room.

Draco watched him go without a word and then moved to stand in the shadows at the head of the room. He watched his friend as he danced with Cho Bennet, pondering the happy smile on his friends face, and the shy, doe-eyed look of the lady's eyes. If nothing else there was infatuation there on Cedric's part and he couldn't help sneering at his companion's easily attracted attentions.

To his left the abominable Mrs. Bennet squawked joyfully about Cedric being her future son-in-law. He thought nothing of it, only the ramblings of a loopy old woman, but when he opened his ears to the conversations of the room, and later throughout the rest of the house, the rumor seemed to be spreading like wildfire, and many thought it held merit.

Draco frowned with narrowed eyes, and stalked through the house to find Severus.

**End - 4**


	6. Chapter 5: One Hundred Reasons To Marry

**Chapter Five**

Harry had only just sat down at the table, grabbed a biscuit, and taken a sip of his tea when an unpleasant voice sounded from directly behind him. The morning, barely begun, had been ruined with a simple sentence.

"I wonder if I could have a moment alone with Harry?"

In the commotion of the night before, the dance with Draco and his search for Gilderoy, Harry had forgotten completely about the comical Ron Collins and his request the night before for a private moment of conversation. It seemed he hadn't escaped the torture of a discussion with his cousin. He set down his biscuit carefully, looking from his mother's happily surprised expression to his father's confused face, to each of his siblings, all of them except Percy suppressing a laugh.

"Everyone out. Mr. Collins wants a moment of privacy with your brother," Mrs. Bennet grabbed Charlie by the arm to drag him from his chair as he shook with barely-contained laughter. Ginny hurried out, if only so she could position herself at the best possible place in order to eavesdrop on the conversation. Percy left quietly, Cho left unwillingly. Mr. Bennet looked from his son's pleading eyes to his wife's stern gaze, sighed, set down his fork, and exited.

Harry sat completely still as the door closed, trapping him with Ron. He tried to stand and leave himself, but Ron stood halfway behind his chair, and halfway in his path to the door. He sat back down, staring miserably at his plate.

"You are aware that my manager in the Ministry, Madame Umbridge, has suggested it's time for me to marry?" He asked. Harry gave him a dumb-founded nod, unable to speak for fear he would start hyperventilating if he opened his mouth. "I had never before thought of marriage, but when the idea was placed in front of me I immediately thought of your family, and saw the advantages to such a match. The first being that it would please my superiors. The second, I think it would make me happy to have a companion to spend time with every day. The third, it would please your family and ensure that this home remains in their possession upon your father's death. The fifth…"

Harry stopped listening after that. His mind raced through possible ways to escape this moment. He was embarrassed, irritated, bewildered, and frightened. No part of him wanted to marry this man. No part of him even wanted to be in the same room with him. But the fourth—or was it fifth?—reason Ron had for proposing marriage caught at him. His family would be secure. If his father died, his mother and siblings wouldn't be in the streets.

A glimmer of hope reached in the corners of his mind. Ron hadn't actual _asked_ Harry to marry him yet. Perhaps he was only discussing with him his reason for wanting to marry. Perhaps he was going to ask Harry's help in requesting for one of his siblings to marry him. He stood up again.

"Sir!"

"The ninth reason…"

"Sir! Please listen!"

"…and I think that being married is one of those things that holds no appeal until you actually _are _married, so I'm hoping that I'll enjoy it. The tenth reason…"

"Mr. Collins!" Harry yelled, shaking the man sharply.

"Yes?" Ron asked dumbly, blinking his eyes as he focused on Harry's face.

"What _exactly_ are you asking me?"

"Why, if you'll marry me of course. I simply figured that giving you my own personal list of reasons for why it would be a sensible idea was the better way of posing the question to you."

Harry's heart sank, his last hope dying with the idiotic man's words. But he made up his mind quickly; he wouldn't sacrifice his life for the promise of security. There were too many possibilities awaiting him, too many opportunities. For a moment Gilderoy's face flashed in his mind, and his determination sharpened.

"Mr. Collins, I'm afraid I'm going to have to say no."

Ron smiled, his countenance like that of an adult trying to appease a small child. For a moment Harry thought that he'd gone completely mental. "I understand that you don't want to appear too eager to say yes. That's a normal reaction. And now I must insist that you consider the reasons I've laid before you very carefully."

"I'm being very serious. I don't want to marry you."

Ron's confident expression began to fall. "I think that my proposal cannot be ignored. The situation is too beneficial to you and to your family. Unless you were insane, and I don't think that you are, you wouldn't sensibly choose to say no to this opportunity. So I must conclude that you are just teasing me, and will eventually say yes."

"Ron Collins! I am _not_ kidding. I am not trying to tease you, or lead you on, or give you the impression that I would ever in this lifetime marry you. I'm saying no, and that is my _final_ answer."

Rather than stand around to wait for another tirade of nonsense, Harry swept from the room, opening the door into the hallway where his siblings and mother stood listening. They all fell into the room at once, Charlie and Ginny laughing hysterically, Cho with a hand politely covering her mouth as she giggled. Mrs. Bennet ran after her son, shrieking indignantly.

"How could you do that? How could you say no to him? You've ruined us all forever! Come back here, Harry! Come back here immediately and say you're sorry! Tell him you'll marry him!"

Harry didn't listen. He was down the hallway and out the door before his mother could even get through the dining room.

To hell with his family. He didn't want any part of a marriage to Ron Collins.

* * *

Mr. Collins's stay with the Bennet family became increasingly awkward. After Harry's blatant and stubborn refusal to marry Ron, a loud and angry shouting match with his mother, and outright cry for help and acceptance with his father, they all reconvened in the dining room as though nothing had happened. Harry kept his eyes stubbornly on his plate, and Ron kept his fixated on the wall.

Neither of them spoke to one another, or even looked at one another for the remainder of the visit, and Ron took to visiting other families and acquaintances in London, spending as much time as possible away from the Bennet house.

Three days before his pre-determined date to leave, Ron strode deliberately into the dining room, coughed a little to gain the attention of his cousins, and made a shocking announcement.

"I have excellent news," he said with an air of formality. "I am deeply pleased to inform you all of my recent engagement to Hermione Lucas. She has kindly consented to accept my hand in marriage, finding the reasons for its necessity quite as compelling as I did. She believes whole-heartedly in the importance of a union between two people, and we will be married within the fortnight.

"Though I feel I should protest most ardently to this next statement, my future bride has made it known that she would like her dear companion and friend, Harry, to visit us in our new home in a month's time after the marriage." He bounced a little on the balls of his feet, biting his lip. "That is all."

Then he marched from the room, leaving the entire Bennet family in a stunned silence. Harry, more than any of them, couldn't believe what he'd just heard.

"But…" Charlie began softly from his spot on a chair near the fireplace. "Why on earth would Hermione _want_ to marry Ron Collins?"

"Why would _anyone_ want to marry him?" Ginny said scathingly. "He's so boring. And he talks as though he thinks he's actually important or something."

Harry stood up suddenly, laying the book he'd been read carefully on the table next to him. "I'm going for a walk," he said to no one in particular, and set out for the Lucas's home.

He didn't have to go very far. He met Hermione only a hundred feet from his front door. She called to him delightedly, waving and smiling as she ran forward. "Harry! I was just coming to see if you'd heard the news." She said with a smile. "Ron and I are going to get married!"

"Yeah, I heard the news," Harry remarked bitterly. "How could you! He's ridiculous!"

"What?" Hermione squeaked, taken aback by Harry's unexpected anger.

"He's an absolute idiot! He's insane, and has the most over-inflated ego I've ever seen. How could you possibly want to marry him?"

"He's safe!" Hermione retorted.

"He's _safe_? If anything, I'd be afraid he'd go off his rocker in the middle of the night and murder you! He's mental!"

"He'll be a good husband, a good provider!"

"You'd throw away your life for that?"

"Throw away my life? I hardly call planning for the future throwing away my life! I'm thinking about what's best for me, _and_ for my family."

Harry felt the double-meaning hidden in the comment, and his face burned with shame. He'd had this same opportunity placed in front of him, a chance to save his family from the uncertainties of the future, and he'd pushed it aside. But that had been his decision. Hermione had made hers.

"I don't know what you want from me, Harry," she said quietly, folding her arms across her chest. "I didn't have much of a choice."

Harry sighed. "I know."

"Why are you so angry with me?"

"I think you could have better. A less psychotic, egotistical man."

Hermione gave a small laugh. "I'll admit he isn't perfect. But he's tolerable."

"Tolerable. Right."

The stood in awkward silence for a moment, then Hermione suddenly flew into her best friend's arms. "It'll all be okay, right? I mean, it can't be that bad. He's a nice man."

Harry felt guilty for his earlier display of anger; he could feel the tears starting to form in his eyes. "It'll be okay," he said, and hoped he was right. He wished desperately he could find someone more worthy of his best friend, but her point of view was the more sensible one. It wasn't a perfect situation, but it was going to happen nevertheless.

Harry sighed in frustration and resignation as he parted from Hermione's crushing embrace.

"Ron told you about my invitation though, right? You'll come and visit when we're settled in?"

Harry couldn't imagine spending any more time than he already had with the insufferable Mr. Collins, but Hermione's pleading gaze struck at his heartstrings and he had to smile and nod. "Of course I'll come and visit. As soon as you like."

"Thank you, Harry."

**End - 5**


	7. Chapter 6: The Worst Vacation Ever

**Chapter Six**

Harry arrived at the Collins's home about six weeks after their marriage. The newlyweds greeted him with smiles, Hermione giving her friend a long hug, Ron opting for a polite handshake.

"I'm so glad you could come," Hermione cried, pulling Harry into the house. "I have so much I want to show you! Ronald, darling," she said sweetly. "I'm going to show Harry around the house."

"Very well," replied her husband with an unnecessary and overly-formal bow. "I believe I'll go work in the garden."

As soon as Ron disappeared into the yard Harry began laughing despite himself. "Ronald?"

"It's like a pet name. If I call him that, I get almost anything I want," Hermione replied with a grin. "He hasn't changed much, but luckily he's easily influenced. When I mentioned that his working in the garden might be looked favorably on by his boss, he immediately began spending time out of doors. He's almost never around."

They both laughed again, and Hermione began pulling Harry through the entire house; pointing out the areas she'd had a hand in decorating. "I'm so glad you're here." She kept saying.

They finished their tour and sat down for a cup of tea. "Are you happy here?" Harry asked, trying very hard to appear more excited for his friend than concerned.

"Surprisingly so, yes," she said, handing him his cup. "I have a lot of free time, and there are so many things to do. Later tonight, for instance, we've been invited to Madame Umbridge de Bourgh's home. Ron and I are invited multiple times a month. I think his boss is a rather lonely lady. A widow, you know, and so I think she takes a great deal of pleasure in having company."

"Oh. Would you mind if I used your kitchen to cook for myself tonight while you're away, then?"

"Oh, no, Harry! You're invited too. Madame Umbridge de Bourgh has apparently told Ron that she's interested in meeting more of his family. You are cousins after all!" She laughed. "Did you realize that we're technically cousins now too?"

They talked together until Ron came back into the house and announced that it was time to leave. Hermione gathered up the dishes and deposited them in the kitchen, then pulled Harry outside.

"We'll be Apparating. You can do a Side-Along with me, since you don't know where it is," Hermione said matter-of-factly. Harry hooked his arm in hers and held on.

With a loud crack the three of them disappeared.

When they reappeared, some unknown amount of miles away, Harry shook his head sharply to remove the fuzzy feeling Apparation gave him. When he had his wits about him, he hurriedly suppressed a disbelieving snort.

It was the ugliest house Harry had ever seen in his life.

On the outside the walls were painted sunshine yellow, spattered with sharp stucco. The door was white wood and glass, the glass etched with gaudy carvings of giant roses.

Ron knocked, three smart raps on the door, and suddenly began whispering under his breath to Harry. "My wonderful superior, Madame Umbridge de Bourgh, is a much esteemed lady. You'd do well to mind your manners. I suggest you perhaps comment on the lovely décor on the inside. She has worked hard at the Ministry to gain such treasures."

Harry didn't even have time to feel annoyed at being told what to do before the front door opened on its own, and a voice from inside called for them to enter. When he saw the decorations and "treasures" Mr. Collins had mentioned, Harry had to work even harder to keep his bursting laughter under control. The inside of the house was painted entirely in pink and still plastered with stucco. The walls were covered with portraits of frolicking baby kittens, giant blooming roses, and pictures of what Harry assumed were family members. Shelves crammed with books also held large lacy doilies, and tiny dishes like a child's play tea set.

They walked purposefully towards a sitting room at the back of the house, where two women sat perfectly poised on a pink sofa. The older of the two, dressed in an awful dusty rose dress with her brown hair curled and pinned to the top of her head, nodded at them as they entered. Her eyes were beady and constantly squinted, and she pursed her lips as she watched Harry with her hawkish gaze.

"Collins," she said imperiously. "Is this your cousin?"

"Harry Bennet, at your service" Harry said formally, inclining his head.

The air in the room turned instantly tense, and Harry felt for a moment as if he had murdered someone in front of them all. They watched him, even Hermione, with varying degrees of shock and disbelief.

"My cousin….yes, Madame," Ron replied, bulging eyes still fixated on Harry.

"Humph," replied the woman. An awkward silence fell over the room.

Mr. Collins seemed to remember himself and coughed a little before he bounced up on the balls of his feet. "May I present Madame Umbridge de Bourgh, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic?"

Harry bowed, but kept his mouth shut.

"My daughter, Pansy Umbridge de Bourgh," the lady said with a gesture to the younger woman beside her, who nodded to them all. "And my nephews," she said, gesturing to her other side.

The group hadn't noticed the two men standing quietly in the corner of the room. They came forward slowly and bowed, and Harry, who had been wondering if he would get any enjoyment at all out of this visit, suddenly lost all hope.

"Blaise Fitzwilliam, and Draco Darcy," she finished.

"Hello, Harry," Draco said quietly.

All hope. Gone. Completely.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Darcy," Harry replied curtly.

Draco blinked at the shortness in Harry's voice, but then he remembered their last meeting, and the irritation on Harry's part didn't seem so undeserving.

"You know one another, Draco?" Madame Umbridge de Bourgh said nosily.

"Indeed, madam, we do," Draco said, eyes still locked on Harry's furious face.

"Humph," she said again.

"Mr. Darcy! What a pleasure," Ron said, starting forward with his hand outstretched. Draco grimaced as he gingerly received the proffered hand and shook it, and then discreetly rubbed his palm on his trousers when Ron stepped away.

"Gimble!" Called their hostess at an octave never before discovered by man. "Serve the dinner, our guests are hungry."

The moved themselves into the dining room, another frighteningly pink room, the ceiling painted with more prancing cats. A huge chandelier hung in the center, overcrowding the entire room and forcing Harry, Ron, and Draco to all duck their heads to avoid hitting it. They sat on over-stuffed chairs, embroidered with giant orange and red roses, and a group of house-elves came out to serve them.

The dinner was comprised of five kinds of soups and salads, four types of meats, a handful of vegetable and fruit platters, two types of bread, and a platter of seafood. Harry looked at all the food, wondering how on earth they'd managed to squeeze it all on the table. It looked delicious, but it was a little much for their gathering.

He tried a little of everything anyway, and suddenly remembering Ron's earlier advice, complemented their hostess on the food and the interestingly painted ceiling. Her expression didn't shift an inch. She simply nodded and thanked him and returned to her soup.

"How is your father, Draco?" Madame Umbridge de Bourgh asked with feigned interest.

"He's doing well, thank you. He's working away with Tom Riddle; I believe they're in Asia now. They're searching for some rare stone," Draco replied absently, flicking his hand in the air.

"Wonderful," she replied, though from her tone it didn't sound like she thought it was wonderful at all.

The remainder of the evening passed in much the same way. They all made random comments to one another, asking after family, health, the weather, complimenting the cooking and the room and each other. Ron was especially liberal in his compliments towards his manager, frequently mentioning how much he adored both her and her daughter's style and class. But neither of the ladies seemed to care, they preened under his attention.

Just when Harry thought he might pass out from boredom, Madame Umbridge de Bourgh suddenly announced it was time for them to leave. Harry stood, gladly, and made his way out with his cousins. They all said their goodbyes, Ron making obnoxious comments about how he was sad to see the time pass so quickly, for it to be time to leave once more.

"Good evening, madam," he said with a swooping bow.

"Thank you for your kind invitation," Harry uttered in a low voice.

"Everything was wonderful," Hermione remarked with a smile.

They slowly made their way to the door, both Blaise and Draco saying their goodbyes. "Perhaps we'll come and visit," Blaise said with an inquiring look at everyone assembled.

"Of course!" Hermione exclaimed, "We'd love to have you."

Draco smirked and said nothing, turning his gaze to the window as they left.

Outside, Harry and Hermione linked arms once more for the return trip home. She smiled at him.

"She takes a little getting used to."

"Really?" Harry said sarcastically.

"We don't visit everyday, at most once or twice a week," Hermione sighed. "What are the odds that Draco would show up at the same time as you?"

"I have no idea. But hopefully he'll keep himself scarce."

"That Blaise fellow, his cousin…he seemed rather interested to come over. You may have to endure a visit or two."

"Whatever. As long as Draco Darcy keeps away from me, everything will be alright."

"What if he doesn't? What if he _wants_ to talk to you?"

"He won't. I'm too beneath him to keep his interests," Harry replied scathingly

"But what if—"

"Hermione. Drop it."

She did, and they Apparated home.

* * *

As it turned out, Blaise was the least of Harry's worries.

Draco and Blaise came to visit later that same week, and twice more the week after. Where Draco was aloof and quiet, Blaise spoke freely laughed openly. His conversations were engaging, and humorous, and he had an infectious laugh that was deep and joyful. Harry enjoyed the time spent with him.

During the third week of Harry's visit with Hermione and Ron, he took to walking through the nature paths that surrounded their remote home in the mornings. It was on his fourth morning of walking when he happened upon Blaise taking the same trail.

They both stopped short upon seeing each other, as if not expecting to find another person so far away from civilization. But when they realized who it was, they started forward again, shaking hands and smiling.

"Harry! How good to see you!"

"You too. How did you get all the way out here?"

Blaise laughed and turned to point back through a thicket of trees behind him. "I'll tell you a secret. Those trees lead back to my aunt's home. It's about two miles through woods, and another mile to her home."

"Really? Do you come out here often?"

"Just recently. Fresh air and exercise do a man good, don't you think?"

Harry grinned. "Well come on then, show me this secret passage through the woods."

The walked back slowly together talking of this and that, and eventually landed on the subject of Blaise's cousin the stoic Draco Darcy.

"He's never had much to say in the company of those he doesn't know, or fully trust." Blaise was saying, trying to explain why Draco had remained so quite during all of their visits. "But he's a loyal friend. Always there in a pinch. He'd do anything to keep his friends safe."

Harry snorted. "I'm sure he always has their very best interests at heart."

Blaise smiled wryly. "I'm telling the truth. Ha! I can even give you an example! Just recently Draco was forced to dissuade one of his close companions from entering into an unsuitable marriage. It took a lot of convincing, I'm told, since the young man wanted to propose to the lady in question the very night that Draco coerced him away."

The effect of that simple comment hit Harry with a pang. His heart suddenly froze, his older sister's face swimming into his mind. Surely it couldn't…

"I suppose that could be considered a noble act of charity," Harry said, lying through his teeth. "But suppose this friend was truly in love."

"Oh, I don't think the friend's affection could be questioned. It was the young lady who didn't appear to think much of _him_."

_That couldn't be Cho_, Harry thought quickly. _She loved Cedric, absolutely adored him_.

"But my point still stands. What if she was also in love, but hid her emotions from public eyes?"

"Well that, I'd have to agree, would be a very big misfortune. But I also hear that there was an objection to the family's standing."

The jolt of fright was like a physical blow. It couldn't be…It couldn't be… "What was the man's name? This friend of Draco's?"

"Oh, I can't remember. I only happened to overhear the story in passing. Something with a 'B' in the last name."

Harry didn't doubt that there could be other possibilities. The story could have been about a completely different friend, a completely different lady, a complete different family.

But the pieces fit too well…

Harry turned abruptly from Blaise and began to back away. "I'm sorry, I think I should be headed back."

Blaise gave him a puzzled look. "Are you sure? We're almost to my aunt's house, and the weather looks like it's about to take a turn."

Harry glanced at the darkening sky and shrugged his shoulders. "I'll be fine. Hermione and Ron will be wondering where I've gone."

He didn't give Blaise time to reply. He was already running as the thunder rumbled softly in the distance.

**End - 6**


	8. Chapter 7: Insult Me Once, Shame on Me

**Chapter Seven**

He ran to escape the rain, to escape the truth, to escape thought. It felt good to let loose, to sprint wildly through nature, taking any path he chose. He dodged trees, breaking through to the meadow beyond, and tore off even faster than before. The thunder in the background sounded, louder and closer, and he spotted an abandoned hut near an old farm house.

The rain caught up to him before he reached it, soaking him through within minutes. He still ran, water droplets flying across his face, splattering his glasses, obscuring his vision. He nearly slammed into the little shelter and the rain no longer pounded into him, but the damage was done, his robes were still soaked. He breathed in sharply, clutching his side, taking in heaving gasps of air.

_The bastard…the bastard…_

His poor sister. Cho had never been one to express her feelings openly. She was the exact opposite of their mother, preferring to keep her thoughts private. But that _ass_ didn't have a right to intervene on both Cedric and Cho's behalf, to claim to know the inner-most thoughts of a shy young woman.

Draco had ruined their chances of being together.

Harry turned and punched a wooden pole, barely registering the pain that blossomed in his knuckles. He was so furious, so absolutely enraged, he felt nothing but his anger burning in his chest. His heart beat fast from adrenaline and the exertion of running, water dripping down his nose as he inhaled and exhaled, trying to control his rage.

The sound of wet footsteps didn't register in his brain until he saw a figure in his peripheral vision He jumped sideways in shock, eyes narrowing, hand automatically grasping for his wand.

"You…" he said in a harsh whisper.

Draco's hair was plastered to his head, water dripping in his eyes and streaming off his robes. He shook his head a little, drops of rain sprinkling off of him. "Yes, me. Do you know any words that contain more than a single syllable?"

Harry glared and released his wand. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you. Blaise came home this morning with an interesting story. Apparently you and he have been talking."

"What's it to you?" Harry asked venomously.

"I don't enjoy it when people have the wrong impression of me. It's easy to develop a bad reputation through rumor."

Harry laughed scornfully. "Ha! That's all you really care about isn't it? Your precious image?"

Draco's eyes narrowed and his lip curled in a sneer. "Listen, you idiot. You don't like me, and I'm not even sure I _why_ like you. You're of a lower class, you have no future, no special abilities, and your manners are lacking in many areas. You're appearance is haphazard on most occasions, you can never get your hair to lie flat and your glasses are almost always askew. Your family is obnoxious, your mother never shuts up and your youngest siblings never stop giggling. Your brother likes to think he's somehow important, and your father likes to pretend that his life isn't as miserable as it actually is," Draco took a deep breath and smoothed back his hair, blinking profusely, suddenly realizing he was allowing himself to rant. "That being said…I think I love you. I don't care anymore about my reputation, I'd beat it to the ground, stab it, and throw it out the window if I thought it would get me one step closer to having you."

Harry couldn't say anything for a long time, only blink bemusedly. "You…you…" he laughed suddenly, short and breathless, taking a moment to look up at the ceiling of their ramshackle shelter and pray for strength. "Have me? Did you just say 'have me'? Like I'm some sort of object you can just _possess_?"

Draco glared, taking a half-step forward. "I tell you I love you and you get hung up on a simple word. You're impossible!"

"Oh, excuse me for ignoring the slight compliment of being so _lucky_ to have attracted your so-called love," Harry retorted sarcastically. "I was a little busy processing the fact that nearly everything you just said was aimed at insulting me. Did you mean to call me low-bred, lazy, ill-mannered, unkempt, and insult almost my entire family in order to make me swoon and claim to love you back?"

"Only you wouldn't have enough brains to at least claim to love a man like me. I have everything, and with three simple words you could have it all too! But your pride and arrogance will not allow you to do that!" Draco brought up a shaky hand to brush a strand of hair from Harry's face before adding in a softer voice, "Surprisingly, your pride is one of the things I adore about you. Although your stupidity is a little hard to over-look."

Harry slapped Draco's hand away, stepping closer until their noses were almost touching. "You are worse than I imagined. From the first moment I met you I knew I didn't like you. You're arrogant, narcissistic, and you think that you are always right, no matter what. Well let me tell you, _Draco_…you were wrong about so many things. About me, about Gilderoy Wickham, about my sister. I'm hard pressed to think of anything you've ever been right about in the short time that I've known you."

"If that's the case, you're no better than me. You make wild accusations about me with a one-sided opinion. You've taken a madman's word on a series of events you've never witnessed without question! And here you stand, accusing me about being wrong and thinking I'm ever-so-right when you are _exactly_ the same as me!" Draco's sneer could have melted iron with it's heated anger. "And as for the subject of your sister, I saved my friend from marrying into your disgraceful family. They were both better off."

"You spared your friend?" Harry cried incredulously. "You hypocrite! Moments ago you wouldn't have spared your_self_. If I had said I loved you, fallen into your arms, listened to your every whim, what would you have done? Would you have married me? Thrown in your lot with my disgraceful family? Tarnished your perfect reputation? Or would you have taken me, and used me, and left when you were done?"

Draco's answering gaze was one of the most frightening Harry had ever seen. They were practically screaming in one another's face, but the frigid glare Draco gave him in that moment made him step back. "You're pathetic. You have no idea what sacrifice is like. You live in a swamp with morons for neighbors and fools for relatives. The stupidity surrounding you has rubbed off any intelligence you may have acquired."

Harry shook his head, looking away determinedly. His anger seethed, consuming him even more than before Draco had come.

"You've made your position quite clear," Draco said softly, the volume of his voice hauntingly quiet after the frenzy of their shouting. "I'll take your answer as it is and leave. Good day."

He bowed slightly before turning back to the rain and walking home.

Harry leaned against on of the poles holding up the ceiling of his shelter, breathing deeply. He was suddenly so very tired, and unreasonable tears were forming in the corners of his eyes. He rubbed them away angrily, pulled his wet cloak around him, and marched back to the Collins's home.

* * *

He received a letter the next day. What he could only assume to be Draco's owl swept through the room, dropped it's parcel on the table, and flew out again. Harry's name was penned in sweeping cursive across it, and Harry had no doubts that it was from Draco.

For a moment as he was holding the folded parchment in his hands he was tempted to throw it into the fireplace and light a fire. But curiosity to know what other ludicrous things Draco could have to say kept him from doing so. He broke the wax seal, unfolded everything carefully and began to read.

_Dear Harry,_

_Do not be alarmed, Harry, I do not intend to re-voice the sentiments or a renewal of the feelings that were so offensive to you last night. I am writing to discuss with you the two offenses that you laid to my name during our interesting discussion. The first you mentioned was the relationship between your sister, Cho, and my friend Cedric, who you claim I tore apart without regard of either of their feelings. The second is the denial and ruin of any prospect of a career that the colorful Mr. Gilderoy Lockhart Wickham might have had. It is my hope that by the time you finish this letter you will have a total understanding of my actions and the motivations behind them._

_I ask you to think back to the night I first appeared to you in London, the night at the Leaky Cauldron. I had not been in the pub long before I noticed, like many others, that Cedric had a strong attachment to your older sister. It was easy to tell, the man wears his heart on his sleeve, and I have seen him infatuated many times before. However, it was not until the dance at my manor that I realized his feelings were far more serious than I had anticipated. Watching him dancing with your sister I realized that he was headed for marriage and looking at his face I knew he was blissfully there. Then I changed my line of sight and watched your sister for a couple of moments. It was than that I discovered, according to my eyes and my own personal opinion, that your sister had no such feelings for him. She did receive his attentions with an air of pleasure and smiles, but she did not appear to desire to go any father with him._

_Assuming that you are correct with your analysis of her feelings towards Cedric, as you know your sister far better than I, than your resentment towards me is very founded. If I have wounded your sisters feelings, it was unknowingly done and with no such intentions. But I cannot apologize for handling the situation the only way I knew how. I desired to save my dearest friend from a terrible heartache and in no way sought to ruin both their happiness._

_With regards to your more weighted accusations I have only the story of our family's history to tell. I should hope that after hearing it you can draw your own connections to the truth. I am unaware of what exactly Mr. Wickham has accused me of, but the truth that I am about to tell I can summon more than one witness to validate._

_Gilderoy Wickham was the son of a very respectable man, who had for many years managed the gardens in my family's estate. My father was particularly fond of both the boy and the father, and after Wickham's father died, he invited the young charge to live within our house. My father paid for his schooling, clothing, food, anything he could need or want was at his disposal, and I soon found myself regarding him as an older brother. Upon learning of his aspirations to become an Auror my father instantly felt like he should aid Mr. Wickham in his journey. When my father decided to leave the country of London to travel with his friend, Tom Marvolo Riddle, in Asia he left me his estate and a portion of money set aside for Wickham's training._

_Upon receiving his funds, Gilderoy immediately went out and blew them away gambling._

_Soon after he'd depleted the cash, he returned to my manor and demanded to be given more money. I foolishly aided him once more. However, he gambled that gift away as well, and returned once more to beg for another installment of money. I was in no mood to deal with his behavior at that moment and sent him away without an answer._

_He remained out of my life until about three years ago. It was then that he showed up to my estate and proceeded to claim his undying love for me, I was touched to receive such an offer, but more than a little untrusting. Still, I managed to find some admirable qualities about him and with time I found I was set upon marrying him. Having known him from the time of our childhood I thought it was only natural we might be together. That is, until the day I opened a mysterious letter. It was from a woman claiming to be Gilderoy's lover. In her letter, she asked how long until my estate became his too. I read on in horror, and was anguished to find within the letter Gilderoy's plan to marry me and then take everything I owned before he disappeared without any notice._

_I was most hurt and angered, I could not believe I had so foolishly fallen for his tricks and I sent him away with no money and no regrets. I suppose a man like Wickham does not truly know the meaning of honor. The fact is I believed he loved me and I was ready to settle down within before it all came unglued._

_You know now the other side of this story. Hopefully it will lay to rest some of the hatred you have felt towards me, though I do not expect it to do so._

_I truly wish you all the best, Harry,_

_Love,_

_Draco Darcy_

For a moment, Harry desired nothing more than to laugh, toss the letter aside and dismiss it as lies. But he read it again, slowly, and one more after that. With each reading he began to believe more and more of the story, until he could not deny that he'd been entirely wrong about Draco, about Wickham, about everything.

He saw now his sister's shyness, how it could be translated as uncaring in the eyes of someone who did not know her as well as Harry did.

He saw every flaw in Gilderoy's behavior and actions. He hadn't promised to arrive at the ball Draco had thrown, he had in fact shied away from it, most likely in an attempt to avoid Draco throwing him publicly out of the house, denouncing him as a fraud. All of Wickham's stories were carefully crafted, told only to the right people at the right moment.

He'd been so very, very wrong.

The shame burned inside of him. He wanted to cry and to scream and to throw something all at once.

"Harry?" Hermione's soft voice said behind him, breaking him out of his stunned stupor.

"What?" He demanded a little too harshly, his voice rough from the effort of fighting back tears.

"Madame Umbridge de Bourgh has invited us to dinner, we'll be leaving soon."

Harry felt physically sick at the idea of seeing Draco again. He stood abruptly from his chair and swept from the room. "I'm going back home, Hermione. Tonight. I'm sorry for such a sudden departure, but I have too go. Tell her ladyship or her majesty or whatever the hell that annoying woman's title is that I apologize for not being able to make it."

Hermione watched him go with a concerned frown. "What's happened Harry?"

"Nothing that can't be left in the past and forgotten."

"Is everything alright?"

"It will be," Harry said quietly, pushing all of his things into a small rucksack and shouldering it. "Just as soon as I get home. Say my goodbye's for me?"

She nodded, crossing her arms over herself as though she were chilled.

"Don't worry, Hermione. I'll be okay." He tried to give her his most sincere smile. "I'll write to you."

Without another word, he Apparated home.

**End - 7**


	9. Chapter 8: The Wrong Parody

**Chapter Eight**

Cedric was nervous. Draco could tell. The man's hands shook, slight tremors pulsing in his fingers and arms. His gait was a stutter-step of movements as he paced, no longer the confident stride of a young man.

"Calm down," Draco said soothingly, trying to keep his own voice under complete control, his mannerism cool and collected as he leaned against a tree, eyes following his friend. "You look like you're headed to your own funeral."

Cedric's nervous laugh was comical, a high, threaded shriek like a pubescent boy. Draco sighed and clapped his friend on the shoulder, breathing deeply to keep his temper in check.

"Tell me, my friend, are you going to man up and do this or not?"

"I…just need a moment."

"With your behavior, I wouldn't be surprised if you needed a _year _to prepare yourself," Draco bowed his head, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "She loves you, you idiot. She'd be insane to say no."

The high-pitched laugh sounded again. "Really?"

"Truly," Draco said, trying desperately to look sincere. "Are you going in there or not?"

Cedric's eyes were wild, his mouth twitching. He looked as though he were about to lose his mind. "I—yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes, I'm going in."

"You're going in? To do what?"

"To propose marriage."

"To whom? Cho's mother, the _delightful_ Mrs. Bennet?"

"No! To Cho!"

He was growing frustrated with Draco's taunting, but the haunted look was leaving his eyes and he was standing upright, tremors suppressed, voice smooth, color returning to his face. Draco smirked at his brilliant tactics. Cedric had never been a man of action, unless challenged.

"Really? I was sort of under the impression that you were too scared to go in there and tell the woman that you love you want to marry her."

That did it. Cedric marched determinedly forward to the Bennet house, Draco trailing behind with a self-congratulatory smile.

Draco's plan was simple. He would make things right between his friend and Cho Bennet. What he'd done, even unknowingly, had been despicable and he saw that. He hoped, in the process, that he'd be able to see Harry again, to apologize one final time, and to know once and for all that Harry didn't hate him.

They reached the house and Cedric rang the bell. As the door opened, he came face-to-face with a tiny little house elf. "Good evening. My name is Cedric Bingley, this here is my friend Draco Darcy. I've come to call on Cho Bennet. Is she at home?" Cedric asked the creature kindly.

"Miss Cho is being in the parlor with her brothers and her sisters and my Mistress, sir."

"Would you announce us?"

The elf squeaked and bowed deeply before running off into the house.

Cedric sighed. "I don't know about this, Draco. What about everything you said? What about her family? What about—"

"Forget what I said," Draco snapped. "I was wrong."

Before Cedric could answer the house elf returned. "Prissy is being told to show you to the room. Masters will follow Prissy now."

They strode through the Bennet's home after Prissy the elf, and were shown into a comfortable room where all but Mr. Bennet sat waiting. The family stood and bowed when the two gentlemen entered.

"How wonderful it is to see you Mr. Bingley," Mrs. Bennet began in a soft voice, attempting to hide her excited expression and succeeding only in looking as though she'd just suck on a lemon.

"You as well, madam. Indeed, it's nice to see all of you again." Cedric smiled at everyone in turn, but gave a particularly glowing look of affection in Cho's direction. She blushed prettily under his gaze and smiled back. "I wonder if I could borrow a moment with Miss Cho?"

"Certainly," Mrs. Bennet replied. Nobody moved.

"Alone," Cedric elaborated.

There was suddenly a flurry of movement and Mrs. Bennet's mask of calm had shattered into a thousand pieces as she shoved her children out of the room, hollering for them to leave quickly. Harry bowed to Mr. Bingley and caught Draco's eye as he left the room, motioning for Draco to follow.

Cedric had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes at his hopefully mother-in-law to be and hoped very dearly that Cho was not very fond of her mothers company. When all the other Bennets were absent of the room, Cedric took three long strides to reach Cho.

"My dearest Cho…you must forgive me for being such an ass. I was swayed by my friend and I went against what I believed so that I could appease him. You don't have any reason to forgive me but I am hoping that you will because I have fallen in love with everything about you Cho. Your very smile captures my every attention. I have fallen in love with you and..." Cedric was standing there before her but now he knelt down on one knee to continue. Cho covered her mouth with her right hand as he took her left in both of his. " I came here to ask you to be my wife. Will you marry me Cho?" he grinned up at her.

"Yes. A thousand times yes." she responded.

Mrs. Bennet and all her younger children, so apt to ruin the happy moment, fell into the room a split second later. Cho and Cedric both simply laughed as Mrs. Bennet jumped up and down squawking like a parrot about daughters and marriage and how it really was no surprise at all.

Once again Cedric found himself hoping that Cho was not too close with her mother, he would be very happy to have very limited visits from the lady.

Cho's thoughts were completely in sync with her future husband's. She was marrying a man that she loved, and she would be able to escape the insanity of her mother and her three youngest siblings.

Only one thing worried her at the moment. She looked from happy smile to happy smile of her siblings and her mother, but one person in particular was missing.

"Where's Harry?"

* * *

Harry had drawn Draco outside, away from the tittering and shrieking of his family. When Draco had stepped into the room with Cedric, for a moment anger had filled him. Now there was only a sense of determination, a desire to know everything. He circled the grounds in measured silence, collecting his thoughts. Draco, resolved to be patient and let Harry make the first move, said nothing.

"Why did you bring Cedric here?" Harry asked

"When you told me that your sister loved my friend as much as he loved her, I trusted your judgment. As atonement for my actions, I brought him back in an attempt to allow them to be together."

Harry was satisfied with the answer, and grateful for Draco's acting to right the wrong. "Thank you."

They walked in silence for a moment more. From inside Harry could hear excited yelling and laughing.

"Cedric must have popped the question," Draco observed.

Harry stopped. "He asked her to marry him?"

"I believe that was his intention, yes. I can't think of what else would make your family yelp with such ferocious joy."

For a moment Harry felt offended. But then again, he had to admit that his family's actions were not always normal. The smile on Draco's face convinced him that the comment was not meant unkindly.

"While you have stopped pacing," Draco said, firmly taking Harry's wrists in his hands. "I would like to speak with you, if you'll allow me."

Harry nodded. "Go ahead."

"I will only speak to you on this subject this once. No matter what your answer may be, I promise to never ask again.

"Should your feelings have changed since the day I last spoke to you of my affection, I would like to extend my hand once more and ask for you to marry me." At this moment, Draco dropped to one knee and pulled out a small box. He opened the lid to reveal a delicate band of gold. Symbols were engraved in its side, symbols Harry couldn't read. They flashed a flaming red, like the embers of a fire, and then faded.

"What…is that?" Harry asked in wonder.

"The Ring of Power," Draco replied. "One ring to show our love, one ring to bind us. One ring to seal our love, and forever to entwine us."

Harry's mouth hung open in confusion. "Uh…Draco? That's the wrong book series. We're parodying _Pride and Prejudice_. Not _Lord of the Rings_.

Draco pulled a face and stood up from the ground, thrusting the box with the Ring of Power into Harry's hands. "What? Are you sure?" From his cloak Draco pulled a packet of parchment headed with the title: SCRIPT, and began flipping pages. He stopped when he found the page he wanted, reading swiftly.

"Oh…" Draco said softly, then swore under his breath. "Bloody fan girls. Who mixes Harry effing Potter with _Pride and Prejudice_?"

"I think it's gone rather well thus far," Harry offered simply.

Draco wasn't paying attention. His eyes skimmed the page further, his expression growing increasingly horrified as he read. "And they lived….Oh bloody hell, I am _not_ saying this ridiculous line. Here," he shoved the script at Harry and began to walk away. "You say it."

Harry smiled. "And they lived happily ever after. At least according to that corny scene at the end of the movie where Mr. Darcy kisses Elizabeth five or six times and keeps saying 'Mrs. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy' like he's stuck on replay…." He stopped, shook his head, and continued. "Anyway, this has been our parody of Pride and Prejudice. Thank you for reading! Hey, Draco! Wait up!"

Draco, who'd made it almost all the way out of the scene, popped his head back in and smirked and began pulling on a cord that had popped up randomly next to him. A black screen descended with the words "The End" written in green script.

"Yeah," Draco said with a grin. "That's green for Slytherin."

**The End**


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